What if midlife is the beginning of getting to know yourself? 7 positive shifts in midlife women
We often hear about the challenges of going through midlife. However, what no one really talks about is the positive shift of perspective that often happens for women at this time in their lives. I believe this area is worthy of more attention.
After years of caring for others, building careers, raising families, adapting to new countries and cultures, many women begin to discover a stronger connection and perhaps a rediscovery of themselves.
Of course, everyone's experience is different. But these are some of the interesting patterns I have noticed among the women I work with, friends and as I myself navigate this transition.
One of my key values is connection with nature and this guides me to travel or simply seek out nature experiences through walking in my local park.
Becoming clearer with what you want and need
For years your attention might have naturally been focused on other people, being a caring mother, supportive daughter, sister, friend or a dedicated employee. At this time in life, you might notice a shift where you check in more with your own desires. Questions around what is important for you at this phase and beyond might emerge. Before making changes, take a curious stance and explore these thoughts. You don't have to have all the answers. However, sometimes just giving yourself permission to ask the questions is enough to start a process of change. Who knows where it might take you…
Finding your voice
Many women find that, with age they start to become less concerned with pleasing others or worrying about what others might think. This is perhaps in stark contrast to their younger self. It can feel wonderfully liberating and you might start to speak up more, set clearer boundaries, say no more frequently, or finally saying the things you’ve been holding back. Although it can feel freeing, at the same time perhaps a little scary.
Start small and build up slowly to remove some of the fear around expressing yourself in an assertive way. Practise expressing an opinion, asking for what you need, or saying no without reverting to over-explaining yourself. Afterwards, remind yourself of what went well in the conversation. Perhaps you felt a bit more respected, listened to and taken seriously? Commit to practise it again on repeat, until it feels like a more natural way of expressing yourself.
Getting in touch with your emotions
Sometimes, women in midlife are described as being “angry”, “difficult” or “demanding”. I believe that it’s just the tip of the iceberg and there is often another more intriguing multifaceted story hiding underneath the surface. Frequently, these feelings emerge after years of being put aside. Many women feel a heavy weight of unspoken responsibility around the household and keeping it all together, doing things for others, perhaps neglecting their own needs in the process. Maybe at this period in life there is finally time and space to notice your feelings; including frustration, sadness, excitement, desire and joy.
Your emotions are carriers of information, so try to pay them the attention they deserve. Perhaps that anger is informing you that a boundary has been crossed. Maybe that restlessness is pointing towards something you want to change or the sadness is asking you to acknowledge a loss or a transition.
For those around you, this new self-awareness may take some getting used to. Use the energy contained inside these emotions to drive you forward towards who you want to become. Relationships can sometimes experience some friction as you begin to show up differently. Adjustments can take a bit of time to settle down.
Reconnecting with values
Naturally, as we go through life what is truly important to us changes. This time in life frequently leads to self-reflection and reconnection with your values or perhaps discovering new values. This can sometimes be perceived as a bit fluffy. However, identifying a key value to you can be as concrete as noting the importance learning has to you and leads you to sign up for an evening language class.
Pausing and reevaluating how much time and energy you spend in various areas of your life can be an eye opener, perhaps leading you onto a slightly different path. Use these tweaked values to underpin your actions and act as a compass to guide you forward, one small step at a time.
Discovering your inner strength
By midlife many women have gone through their share of challenges, whether that is grief, redundancy, relationship break down, entrepreneurial failures, children flying the nest, restarting life abroad, etc. Managing to get through these major life events can make you more resilient.
You have developed a deeper insight into what you are capable of. Perhaps you know that you can overcome tough periods even though it feels impossible at the time. That doesn't mean future challenges won't be difficult, but you may meet them with a deeper understanding of what you are truly capable of.
Looking towards the future with optimism
The natural aging process can sometimes bring uncomfortable questions about the future. However, uncertainty and fear of the unknown can also create possibilities of what lies ahead. Rather than trying to control everything that might happen, consider focusing on what you can influence today.
Perhaps that means building a healthier lifestyle, nurturing friendships, exploring a new interest, developing your career in a new direction, travelling somewhere you've always wanted to visit, or simply creating more space for yourself.
Small choices made today can help you imagine and gradually create a future that feels energising and meaningful.
Valuing your wisdom
Last but definitely not least, we need to note and appreciate the quiet wisdom that often arises after years of lived experience. Do not ignore the deep learning that comes from a life well lived, adapting, working, parenting, loving, making mistakes, starting over again and again…
We shouldn’t treat getting older as something we need to hide or apologise for. Midlife is about celebrating everything we are finally able to see, understand and choose with greater clarity and to realise that you are allowed to take up space in your own life.
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